The Truth I couldn't say to your face...

Okay so here goes...
I trust you, with my life as a matter of fact. I feel completely at ease and safe around you. However I haven't felt that comfortable in a while and the last time I did it back fired. I don't want to go into details but it has nothing to do with you. I got physically and emotionally hurt. I've got to let go. It wasn't your fault. You weren't even involved. I've got to learn that. I've got to learn to let go. I need your help. I can't break free on my own. I think that's one of the reasons I met you to help break me free. Help me...
Another issue if you're interested is that I was taught that pre-marital sex is wrong bottom line. Do I believe that today? No. But I still have convictions with it I'm trying to let go. I wanted more. I didn't want you to stop. I'm just at war with myself part of me holding on part of me wanting to let go. You are going to win me over I assure you. I want to let go. God I want to let go. I just want to live in the moment. I want to live so bad.
I also am afraid it would have been a one time deal which is the last thing I want. My God a glimmer of your potential and I'm shaken I know had there been more I would have wanted more. Is that something you're whiling to give? I don't know. Am I worth the effort? I don't know. Will I get the chance to try that again? I don't know, but God I hope so.
What I do know is that when I figure out what I want you are at the top of my list. You can hold your breath because I don't think it's going to take much longer.
Just a little time that's all I'm asking for. Eh... I'm going to bed... Thank you for everything and everything to come... xx
You pretty much rock.