This is why I can't give up without a fight May 2007

I'm finally finished with my work long enough to sit down and write you. This is by far the strangest relationship I have ever been in. Not nessicarily a bad thing but I feel it needs to be noted. I always knew you were one of those special people. One of those people who has the ability to turn another person's world upside down. I never thought it would be me. You are one of my favorite people if not my favorite. You have a room, not just a place, but a whole room that is just for you in my heart. There are only 3 other people who have one of those. You have decorated it and put sheets on the bed, even a little teddy bear in the middle. I have to thank you. For being that person who listened when no one else would, for making me speak when I didn't know how. You listened to my petty problems and didn't judge me. You showed sincere concern for my feelings. Not only that but you enjoyed the company I gave. That surprises me the most. You wanted more than just my problems, you wanted to dig deeper, listen to my heart, bathe in the waters of my soul, feel and expirience my hopes, my dreams, the things that made me shiver late at night, you wanted to share in my triumphs, feel my disires. No subject was candid. While this was going on. I did the same, I entered your castle of walls and booby traps that lead to your heart. I asked questions and explored those things you said and refused to say but leaked through anyways. I never in my wildest dreams thought it would come to this. What are we? More than friends, but not in a relationship either. Let me tell you somethings you may not have known about me. I knew what love was when I was young. I knew and understood, that it was mysterious, and rare. I knew it made some fly and flung some into dispair. I understood that no matter what you did it was there, unconditional. I didn't understand how so many people believed it was love that they were feeling. I promised not to be like them. To wait for true love, the love of fantasy and legends. And I have tried, and succeeded in some ways. Whether they felt the same...I doubt it. No one is still here are they. But I loved them harder than steel. Unfortunately, I have had to build walls, gates, puzzles, keys, mazes, riddles and more to guard my heart against people who didn't have my best intentions at heart. I have saw and expirienced the heart ache it causes and never want to go through that. Yet it seems that every way I have learned it, it has snuck around and said 'hey I can do this too', For example, falling in love with two people at once. I think I know how you got in. Besides the fact you suffer from the awesomeness. By trying to make you fall in love with me, I let you into places you didn't try to get into. By gaining your keys and solving your puzzles you skipped some of mine. I have no doubt you could have done it. It would have been neat to see how though. I am all in Britt, I am not going to keep anything from happening, from this point forward, I'm all in. I just was trying to tell you, I am falling in love, I can't stop it, It's wonderful, and I'm so glad it's you. If it's too soon sorry. These aren't things you can control, you know when you are around someone like you, hauh what do you expect. I was overwhelmed. My dreams the other night made me realize where you are. I am falling from a cliff, and no parachute to help save. I do it with grace and pride though, because it is a girl who acctually deserves my love and will love me back in all the right ways. There are still things that I need to see and hear from you. I refuse to tell you what they are. I will say that it's very simple. No restraints, no regrets, no stopping, I'm locked into this roller coaster with no disire to get off. I'm scared of all the things that could happen. Please if you decide you don't want this or it's too crazy or for what ever reason, let me go. It'll hurt but I would rather you do that than mess up our friend ship. But I am me, I am everything you see and hear. The deepest seas of thought to the highest clouds of emotion. I have never been the first to fall. So congrats. So much more to say but I don't know how. Let this suffice for now.Love Always and Forever,~Joshua Taylor