Breakdown: I'm FINE

I have an issue I've been dealing with lately. Honestly it hasn't been an issue since I was 18 and I thought I was over it but it seems it's back.
Beth's trying to help me work through it. And in regards to "I fucking love you" it's mutual. I didn't ask for her help in this matter but she can relate so I guess she thinks she can save me. I'm not the type of person who put my "issues" off on other people not even my friends. I've always been that way. I listen to their problems try to help them but I keep the things I'm dealing with to myself. I deal with my problems myself. I guess Beth doesn't think I'm dealing with them fast enough. She says I don't talk to her. It's true. I talk to her but I leave somethings out. She's got enough on her plate I just don't want her to worry about me. Even though she already does. I know my problem is an issue I know it's not something normal people do. I know I said it's not going to kill me but I know I shouldn't do it. And honestly I want to talk to you about it (Beth) but there is a time and a place for Dr.Phil moments and getting me upset and crying at work isn't the right time. God there's so much I want to say right now but it's just not coming out right.
I'm listening to you whether you believe it or not but I felt attacked last night/this morning. And had I not been a strong person I think it would have sent me over the edge. I know I have a problem. I'm not an idiot. I know I'm not fine. But I'm not that out of touch with reality. Just chill out. I'm doing all I can to function normally at work please don't get in my face about an issue I'm trying to work through when I'm unstable as it is. There's a time for it and that was not the time.
Believe me when I say I'm going to be fine. If I don't talk to you about my problems take it as a compliment that I'm not putting them off on you. Whether you want me to or not I don't feel right. They are my problems I have to deal with them and I will. Maybe it's not fast enough for you but I am going to be okay.
The next time you feel the need to discuss my problems how about we discuss them when it's convenient for me.
I love you and I know your intentions are true but your timing was off and it hurt. It hurt a lot. Some of the things you said hurt more than the actual act and I don't need that from my best friend. Maybe I'm not strong enough to deal with this on my own but you have to give me a chance to try before you step in. You can't cripple me because then I'm going to depend on you more than I already do and that's definitely something you don't need and it wouldn't be good for me either. Believe it or not there are going to be times when I'm dealing with something and you are preoccupied and I'm going to have to work threw them myself. So let me. Be there for me but don't be my crutch. That's not what I need.
I don't want this to come off harsh I'm not trying to be mean. I need you yes but I don't want to have to depend on you or rely on you. You're amazing for trying to help and I love you but let me help myself too don't just come in and take over.
I'm stronger than you think. I have weak moments like everyone else but I am strong and I am going to work through this on my own time and I am going to be okay...
I love you and I thank you for everything...xx