We all lose it from time to time...

Does is ever get to a point where you don't have to work for what you want? I don't think it does... I think if you weren't born into a life where shit is handed to you (such as a college education) then you have to work (no beyond work...slave) just to try and keep up, and it's not enough because no matter what you do you're not coming out on top. There's ridiculous loans you owe, there's bill collectors at your fucking back every fucking day... constantly rubbing your mistakes in your face... I seriously can't fucking take it anymore... I just want a god damn education that's it why is that so fucking hard it's not like I'm even going to the most expensive college... I settled... why because I was a depressed dumb fucking moron who dropped out of highschool because I couldn't function without medication and I didn't want to be around people... I had panic attacks just thinking about going to school or public for that matter... so I was home schooled by a "christian" program that isn't even accredited by Georgia (little detail they left out) and I had to get my GED which I passed (no shit not like it's hard any dumb ass can get their GED) not only passed but I barely missed any questions... but because of this one fucking mistake (dropping out) I'm having to pay... I lost sight of my hopes and dreams... I was going to be someone god damn it... now... now I feel like I'll be lucky if they give me my job back at Wal-Mart... I am such a fuck up... God... God...(do you even hear me anymore) where are you... why have I had to struggle my entire life while these little dip shit prick assed bitches who have their mommy and daddy give them everything take it for granted... they do... worthless waste of society if they had to work a day in their pathetic lives they would die... people are clueless to how the other half lives... I know I should be thankful I have a roof over my head but I can barely afford that and i live in the middle of fucking no where it's not like I live in a ritzy neighborhood... I can't do this shit on my own... I'm so fucking tired... and no one gives a damn.... no one's listening to me just like no one's listening to you... we have become the most selfish generation this world has ever seen... worthless... this world has turned to shit... it's all about money and what people can gain from other people... I refuse to be like that... I just want to better myself why is that so hard... I need help... I need some fucking help...I just want to sleep my life away most days especially on days when I don't have school... I sleep... because I'm so fucking stressed(depressed)... and what's the answer to that MEDICATION I'll be damned... I'll fucking die before I'm medicated again that was the worst part of my life... besides I can't afford medication anyways... that's America's answer to everything "we have a medication for that" it's a fucking cover up and I refuse to be numb one more day of my life... I would rather cut every fucking day and feel than be medicated... fuck that... God, I am so screwed... I'm screwed and it's my own fault and I don't know how to fix it... I don't know what else to do... I'm trying so hard... so fucking hard... but nothing helps... no one's listening why the fuck do I bother...I just want to sleep it away until things are better... don't mistake this for wanting to die that's not the issue here... I want to live... I want to live so fucking bad... but I'm so tired... I'm just tired...I'm sorry if you read through all my bitching I'm sure you have problems of your own you don't need to be concerned with me (if you even are) I'm a fucking idiot ignore this post... I just needed to vent and since I usually keep things to myself I thought I would let it out here... I'm the most stupid smart girl I know...xx

This wait for destiny won't do... be with me please I beseech you...

3 more weeks until another quarter is over... the quarter has been one of my favorites by far and I'll be sad for this one to end... I made the Dean's list again and I got invited to join the Honors Society though I have no clue how I got nominated unless my awesome English teacher was behind it. I mean they let you join if you are on the deans list for more than one quarter I heard but I still think she has something to do with it.
Life is going pretty good right now... I have no complaints... everything's going so well.
I went to Savannah last weekend and I've decided I'm going to apply to S.C.A.D. I love Savannah and I feel like I belong there so I'm going to try it out. I know I'm good enough to get into S.C.A.D. either with my artwork or my grades. I have about 3 quarters left until I'm done. Which puts me graduating early next year... it's about time... I wish I hadn't taken that year off and I would be done with this mess... I'm ready to leave here... I hate that I'm leaving my family because they are something I hold in the highest value but I can't stay here... I'm not meant to be in this town... nor with anyone in it... I'm hoping I can convince those I'm truly close to, to come with me... we'll see... I know I'm not the only one dying for a change...
Eh... I'm excited, Savannah rejuvenated me... and it helped me remember an old dream that I think will soon be realized... finally...
Also there's this guy... I don't want to jinx it but I think he's awesome... it took me a while to realize it but I'm realizing it hard... and he's become a very big factor in my life... we'll see where it goes... regardless he's someone I want in my life long term if we're dating or otherwise... We're going to see DEFTONES and I'm freaking excited as shit...