Some people find the meaning of life with their mouths on the barrel of a gun

This is what's going on inside of my head at the moment so don't try and rationalize it... Some things are better left unrationalized this is one of those times...
okay so I've been thinking about this statement for the past hour or so (my title)(no I'm not thinking about killing myself breathe easy) but I thought I would tell a story from my past...
I was once staying with my godsister over a weekend. She lived with her boyfriend (now husband) and his cousin (among other people who were just randomly over there) Jaime (godsister) and I were hanging while her boyfriend and his cousin were at work. So we were hanging Jaime, me a random friend named josh and _ _ _ _ _ _ (the boyfriend's cousin's brother) we were just hanging. _ _ _ _ _ _ had been a little down. So we were talking. We (being Jaime and I) went into her bedroom to talk because we were concerned that he was having suicidal thoughts. Josh came in and said _ _ _ _ _ _ was looking for the gun. We knew he'd find it so we (josh and I) took the bullets and hid them. (why didn't we hide the gun? Who knows. Maybe _ _ _ _ _ _ did need to find the gun.) so eventually he does find the gun. We were in the meantime still in jaime's room and had no idea he had even gotten the gun. Josh is walking back and forth from jaime's room and the living room where _ _ _ _ _ _ is now sitting. Josh runs in the room and says _ _ _ _ _ _ has the gun and is crying in the living room. So of course Jaime being the "momma" runs in there. I stay behind with josh because Jaime told me to stay in the room. After she doesn't come back for a while and having not heard a shot I run into the living room. They're talking but as soon as I walk in he looks at me puts the gun in his mouth and pulls the trigger. That sound that sound of silence hearing nothing but my heart and my breathing will echo through my mind until the day I die. And then just when I can breathe he pulls it again. Nothing... Nothing but silence... Jaime takes the gun away (she didn't know it didn't have and bullets) and the rest of that moment the rest of that day is a blur... I was in disbelief and shock. He had done something I would never have the balls to do. He didn't know there were no bullets he found clarity with the sound of an empty chamber. He's still alive today doing much better (I think) we've lost touch (I grew up with him, he was like a brother) he needed to find that gun like I said. He needed to pull that trigger to realize that this isn't it. And I think he did realize that there is more to life and he has purpose and reason. As horrible as that sounds what happened needed to happen. I'm glad he found the gun I'm glad he pulled the trigger and I'm glad he's still alive. I kept one of the bullets as a symbol of his strength. I saw him today. I won't ask but he seems okay...
I blamed myself for him being depressed, I blamed myself for him pulling that trigger. That's another story... One for later if I remember. I hope you find your clarity I hope you find your meaning in whatever way it happens. Be it with your mouth on the barrel of a gun or in the eyes of your children whatever way you find it I hope you find it. If you haven't however, you are not alone and yes there is meaning. You'll find it and so will I...xx