Point and Click

The Seasons are changing in your heart so will I...

Things are insane right now and I have honestly never been happier in my life... even when I was "with" him. I guess it goes to show you that life is how you look at it and what you make of it sometimes. I've changed my whole way of thinking. I used to think towards the future and not put much thought in today. Only seeing the bigger picture but not the moment. From now on I am only thinking of today, tomorrow will be here whether I like it or not so I'm going to put more emphasis on living in right now. Right now I'm at complete peace with myself and the world. The little upsets are the furthest thing from my mind. I'm looking forward to right now, to today for once in my life and it's refreshing. I'm finished worrying about things I can't change I'm finished second guessing myself and my decisions. My decisions though some may think are wrong are all right in my eyes. I have done nothing I regret (it's helps that I don't believe in regret) I have done nothing that I wouldn't do over again in a heart beat. I am completely happy with everything I have ever done...
Today was beautiful I threw my arms in the air and spun in a circle there was a light lovely breeze kissing my face and for a moment I felt like a child again. I'm going to keep this feeling and take it with me where ever I go... The world is fresh and new and beautiful in my eyes. I've always been able to find beauty in any and everything but today I finally found beauty in myself. God... even in the darkest hour when I feel my lowest there is beauty to be found. I love this world all the imperfections all the wonder everything about it... it amazes me that we can exist in such a vast playground...
I'm rambling... I also decided well... it wasn't all me... I had to tell a secret in class... I said "that I am constantly judging people, deciding if they were worth my time to talk to, constantly nit picking their every move from the way they speak to the way they walk to the people they hang with. It's a constant thing I do subconciously (sometimes not so subconciously) and I think it's because I am constantly judging myself. I am a perfectionist, hard to believe but I used to be a lot worse, so I naturally expect the best out of people (or what I think the best is). Someone in the class said why don't you pick out a positive trait when you look at people and focus on that. Now when I said I was judging I didn't mean it was all negative judgments over half the time it's positive but I do sometime harp on the negative so I thought I would give it a try because I'm not really a negative person (I just like to laugh and people's misfortunes)(and when they're dumb and don't know they're dumb) MaKenzie said I say what people are thinking when they see an unfortunate person instead of keeping it to myself. I'm not trying to be malicious... really... I don't know I love people's imperfections I've said it before and if it makes me laugh well... at least I'm happy with their differently-abled-ness so some joy did come out of them being whatever their malfunction is... eh I don't know I think there is beauty in everyone in this world... it may take me a moment to see it but it's there and I eventually do catch on...
I wish everyone could see the world as I see it even if it's only for a day...xx

I'm the curiosity you're the cat...xx