I heard those stupid people talk about you again

I just have to laugh to keep from hurting bad
Their simple minds just cannot seem to understand
You are neurotic and depressed
It doesn't mean that you are sad

Once again because it seems I keep having to validate my happiness let me say one more time for the record and for those who didn't hear it the first time. I AM HAPPY. I am so fucking happy I barely know what to do with myself.
However, that doesn't cover up the fact that I lost my first battle with love. I guess I'm supposed to act like it doesn't bother me, act like I don't give a shit that he abandoned me like every other man from my past. Smile, so I don't inconvenience anyone but, that's not being true to myself. In truth it is still something I'm dealing with but I'm not sad. I'm depressed there is a very big difference. I'm not going to kill myself the second I'm out of your sight but I'm also not going to smile and be happy go lucky 24 hours a day because you feel like I have no real reasons to cry. I can cry god damn it and I can lay in bed all fucking day if I so choose I did that when I wasn't depressed. Laying in bed is something I enjoy doing... I like to lounge I like to be warm and comfortable it doesn't mean I'm secretly plotting how I'm going to fling myself into on coming traffic. (on a side note if you're always around because you're scared I'm going to cut myself, your tactics aren't working because we both know if I want to cut I'm going to cut irregardless of your physical presence. I know I shouldn't but we all do things we shouldn't.)I'm not as far gone as you think. I'm okay really... I need some recover time... if it takes me a month if it takes me 6 months I was in love with someone I thought loved me back (my delusion) and now it is over I can have down time if I so choose. I can sleep all weekend I can go a day without eating I did that before... I love you with all my heart and I promise I'm going to get through this... you don't have to worry about me, you don't have to put me first... Think about where I would be if I didn't have you... I would make it on my own, granted it's not the healthiest way but I would have made it... don't get me wrong I thank you for your help and yes I do need you, you have helped me so much... but don't be my crutch because there will come a time when you won't be able to be there and I will have to make it threw whatever I'm dealing with on my own... I've said it once I'll say it again be my friend not my momma, because I already need you more than I should sometimes and that's not fair to either of us... live your life don't let me hold you back because I'm going to be fine with or without you... though I would prefer with...
I know my "relationship" was nothing like yours I wasn't involved for two years and hell he was never completely mine but you have to keep in mind that this is the very first time I have ever been in love... ever... and I need to recover... so give me time... I'm not asking you to understand I'm asking you to let me deal with it... I promise I'll get back to normal I just need to sit things out for a bit...
I love you... always... and I thank you for everything you do and continue to do... you are one of the most stable, constant things in my life and I thank you... you are an amazing friend but I need to work this out in my own time... so let me...xx