Continued... pt.2

since several people seem to feel the need to be in my business about my affair (key word MY) here's the stats... the only reason I'm putting it here is because chances are you don't have this blog or knows it's me so I'm getting it off my chest instead of having to explain to you over and over what is and what isn't... and when you ask me to my face... I'll smile and say it's really none of your business from now on...
I had an affair... a wonderful affair that I wouldn't trade for the world, the hurt the tears the laughs anything... It happened for a reason... I'm sure I will figure out why one day... if not like I said before it was a learning experience... I enjoyed every minute of it. I have no hard feelings to the man involved except in the fact that he didn't feel the need to tell me it was over... still hasn't. I'm not even sure if it's over because I haven't talked to him... I thought he being several years older than me made him mature enough to let me know what was going on but instead he has made no effort to make contact with me in a few weeks now. If I have any other hard feelings it's because I feel moderately used... I shouldn't have hard feelings about that though because in all honesty I used him as well... yes i care about him, yes I assumed he cared about me. (not assumptions alone mind you) Will I ever know for sure? Who knows... at this point I'm not really concerned with it because I have other more pressing, more important things on the top of my list. Now to the question I mentioned before "did I want to marry him?" I'm 21 years old I'm not really thinking about marriage with anyone. Yes, he's a good friend yes I could see spending a great amount of time being his friend, years I'm sure but I've already seen how he is at being a husband, who's to say he wouldn't do the same thing to me he's doing to her. Yes, for a split second a moment I thought about what it would be like to be in a relationship with him but... that's all it was a passing thought...
I don't understand why it is so hard to believe that all I ever wanted from him is exactly what I got... I rarely put thought past our temporary moments and when I did I was grounded back to the reality of the situation by his band, and him leaving going home after our encounters.
In short it was fun while it lasted, I hope that I get a friendship out of this... though it doesn't seem possible...
I got caught in the haze for a moment but now I know that, that was not and is not who I am. Once again I want more out of life than he could ever hope to give me. Yes, it was nice to be happy for a moment but I can be happy without him just as well. I've got to learn to not depend on someone else for my well being and happiness a tough lesson learned but I get it now loud and clear...
Stop asking me about him... from now on I will let you know what I want you to know and nothing more... you weren't there you don't know him or me... you are an acquaintance I honesty wouldn't consider you a friend... had I not known you most of my life. You are not someone I would want to associate with on a daily basis and I thank God I'm not forced to. I love you, I care about you but I wouldn't have chosen you to befriend of my own free will. At this point I only speak with you because I feel bad that we've grown apart. You were nice for awhile until I discovered there are people out there I feel more of a connection with. We are two very, very different people and sometimes I wish you would stop talking to me all together... you talk about things you have no idea about... not the first clue... when you can grow up, perhaps move out of Mommy's and daddy's house and get some real issues besides them not buying you what you wanted that hour then when can talk... when you realize there is a big world outside of your stupidity maybe we can have a meaningful conversation for once... I hate it's come to this but I really can't stand you and you are the epitome of everything I dislike... a spoiled, selfish, stupid, immature, clone of a princess... get your own opinions, get your own life stop living threw everyone else's... maybe I'm being mean but sometimes I wonder why there are stupid people in this world... I guess so I realize how smart I am and so I can have someone to laugh at... not all stupid people that would be cruel... just the ignorant ones who don't realize they're morons...
To be continued...