You move like I want to, to see like your eyes do

First off have you seen the moon tonight?
second we went to main campus Wed. Night I believe and we threw coins into the fountain I made five wishes as follows. I won't go in to details because then they won't come true.
1. For lamarjorie
2. For you
3. For my family and friends
4. For this world
and lastly for myself. I see where I stand in the grand scheme of things and the sad this is my wish wasn't really for me. I wished that I could change this world that I could make a difference. Now on to more serious issues it's going to be a novel...

My life has really been put into the right perspective lately. I've realized that things aren't as permanent as they seem or feel rather. Things feel so secure so reliable and honestly that makes me feel uncomfortable. Because in the past this security would have made me build up a sort of dependency and it always falls through. I've learned from the past and I know better. I know I'm not promised another moment with you any more than I'm promised tomorrow. Nothing is as set in stone as it seems sometimes. Which is why I prefer distance from most people. This time two years ago I was a very different person. I was the girl always to herself I was so focused on school and my goals that I didn't have time for anything else. I didn't really have anyone that I would call a friend. I was focused on my life and myself alone then something changed in me. I don't know if it was this mouthy short little Jewish Mexican black Irish girl who broke me out of my shell and got me talking or if it's part of growing up but I starting thinking maybe it would be nice to have people in my life. I didn't care about friends or the world as a whole in general. I was out for bettering myself end of story. God, I've changed so much. I care about this world and the people in it more than I ever thought I would but I'm not so sure I should.
I was reading a friends blog (whether he considers me a friend or not I still think highly of him his opinions and writing ability) he said he used to want to save the world but now he's not so sure the world deserves it. I agree with this statement. You can give and give and give all you have. You can give all of you to this world and the people in it and it seems like the more you give the more the world constantly fucks you over. The world and I don't have a good relationship. It's not a mutual give and take deal it's one sided. I give the world takes and ignores me after it's had what it wants from me. I try and help anyway I can yet the world doesn't ask if I'm the one who really needs help. I'm not saying everyone in this world is like that I'm just saying a vast majority are. I know I used to be one of them. Only out for what I can get no matter the cost or who gets hurt. I'm not like that anymore but I see myself becoming more and more jaded daily. I have faith in this world but there is so much you can take before you cut the strings. I want to help people I care about the world. I don't want to be the girl I was two years ago a year ago even. I think that's one of the worlds biggest problems there is a lack of people who give a damn. Don't let the world jade you there is so much good and so many people out there like me and you granted they are few and far between and getting harder to find but they do exist.
I was thinking also maybe it's not that the world doesn't deserve it but maybe the world doesn't want to be saved. Maybe that's the bigger issue here the world doesn't want your or my or her help. I give without being asked maybe that's where I'm confusing the line here. I give but the world never asked for my help so when it's not eager to lend a hand to me I have to remember it never asked for my hand to begin with. So, if I'm crushed or jaded or hurt it's my own fault not the worlds.
I don't know I'm going to bed. I've got a lot on my mind lately. I'm starting back school in January so it feels like I'm getting my life back in the right direction.


All I ever wanted to do was make you smile. I guess where I messed up was the fact that you never asked me to. This is my fault...xx