I never said I hated you. It's not in me to hate. That takes too much effort and too much out of me. I'm not that consumed with my "dislike" of you. I don't hate you. I never could... I never will and I don't dislike you either. I just realized that I was letting what you thought consume me and I'm over that part of our "relationship" now I would very much like to move past that and move on.
I've grown a lot in the past month or so and I think you would notice If you were there to notice. Forgive me for my distance but other things have moved into my "priority" (if you will) list. Yes I still read your beautiful words yes I still have the urge to text you just to see if you're all right yes I can't hear a deftones song without thinking of you but no it doesn't keep me awake at night. No I'm not obsessing over you or consumed with you. (though I do thank you for introducing me to some kick ass bands)(never was a deftones fan before you)
I stand by everything I've said about you the good and the bad. I think you are one of the most beautiful souls I will never know. It's a shame but I'm not going to fall to pieces and put my life on pause because of it. As for you playing God... I said myself I thought we were all God to a certain degree. We're all "guilty" of "playing God".
Forgive me for assuming your post was for me or atleast part of it. I do that from time to time. If it was it's a pleasure to know you still read my words as well. If not, I hope you're reading this now, reading my words and I've said all I know to say...
Read them carefully, I'm not making you out to be anything more than you are through my eyes. Not an evil creature, not a "villain" just you. This is my translation of you as wrong as it may be It's still just my translation.
I don't hate you. I'm very fond of you. I would never say anything to your back I wouldn't say to your face. I'm not a liar (believe it or not) just mislead from time to time. I'm not consumed though I still find you enchanting.
And above all I am not as immature as you think I am. Guess you'll never know the real me. Guess I will never be one of your friends like I once wanted desperately to be. You don't consider me a friend at all I suppose just a, mutual acquaintance but I consider you more than that. At least I would be nice enough to say hello, ask you how you were instead of say, flat out ignoring you and not even looking you in the eye while talking to your sister as if you were good friends. That was defiantly mature. I would never do that to you oh and before you go and think "oh she's mad because I'm 'friends' with her sister" think again I could care less who you associate with it's your life. But don't ignore me. Don't pretend like I don't exist, overlook me, treat me like some girl you've never met. At least have the decency to acknowledge that I am a person and I do exist. That's what hurt. That's what made my opinions of you waver. You're not an ass hole you're not a villain but you have you're moments when you are petty and cruel and you know exactly what you're doing. I'm not like that so I don't understand how you can just cut things off. It's odd to me like you're a puppeteer pulling everyone in your worlds strings and it's not going to work on me anymore that was all I was saying. You hurt me, you made me feel like I wasn't a person like I wasn't real... But I am. I'm very real and I am a person with feelings and I felt like in that moment you stepped all over them with no concern for anything really.
So before you throw stones and offer you're advice I think you should remember we all have moments of immaturity, we all have ass hole moments, we all are scared at some point, we all make mistakes and we all feel, even you... I hope I haven't "hurt" you (I honestly don't give myself that much power in your world but if I have hurt you I'm truly sorry) I just want you to see where I am coming from my perspective.
Oh and as for God being busy with you. God is with the ones with most need, be it you, or be it someone ten times worse off than you, either way it's nice to hear you've found him. I'm glad you're chatting. Sometimes I need him but at the end of the day I don't need him nearly as much as some people do.
I truly hope we move past this pettiness and can sit down and have a mature open talk oneday over coffee and cloves perhaps. Until then, I hope you are well... I'm still a friend, on my part, if you ever have need, I wouldn't shut you out. I won't ignore you... we should talk...xx
something you taught me. I do however believe in both and I see both in you...
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