Yeah so it's five am I just rolled in. Tonight was amazing best part I didn't drink as much as I have the past few weeks. I feel better honestly it feels like a weight has been lifted.
Only bad part I must mention was that Shannon was there. I swear she is such a moron sometimes. She thinks I'm mad at her because Ruari and her are "friends" please. I could care less who Ruari associates with. What am I his mother? She needs to grow up she makes it seem like middle school. OOh OOH brittnee is mad at me because a boy she cares about is friends with me. I believe and I quote shannon said, "brittnee will get over it she's just jealous that Ru wants to fuck me and not her." She needs to take that middle school bullshit somewhere else. If she really thinks that's the issue here she needs to stay away from me because she has no concerns for my feelings what so ever. Why am I constantly surrounded by idiotic people out for themselves, just out to see who the next person they can fuck over is? Oh yeah and before you start on oh she's your sister you shouldn't talk about her like that try again. Her dad adopted me when I was eight first off and second I'm more of a sister to her than she will ever be to me so shut the fuck up and grow the fuck up.
Otherwise amazing night. I sang again. Wasn't really up to it and I really didn't want to do that lame song but Lamarjorie said it would cheer her up so I did it. I had the anger I needed to fuel the song though honestly. What with wanting to kick someone's ass for making her cry like that and with my drama. I don't know. If he could only see how much she loves him and how much she hurts for him. I think it would do him some good. She doesn't deserve to hurt like that and I know he loves her but I swear I can't stand to see her like that. I just want to knock some fucking sense into that boy. He has got it made any guy would be lucky for her to even look at him let alone be his girlfriend. She is amazing she is going to do amazing things just because you're stressed, pissed whatever you are doesn't mean you can break her heart. You're breaking her heart. I'm not saying you're a bad guy because honestly I think you are one of the best I've ever or will ever meet but you've got to chill. She loves you she would do anything for you. You are a lucky man and it's about time you realized it because she is so close to perfect it scares me. I really hate seeing her cry. I swear I would do anything for her to never cry or feel hurt like she has been the past week or so ever again. she doesn't deserve it. she truly is too good for this world.
I don't know. we went back to the hop in hung out saw my married man. I love him I honestly do. I have really fucked myself royally. Doesn't matter. nothing really matters.
I did come to the realization that as long as I'm happy I don't give a shit who I'm with or where I am or what I'm doing. I would live a content life as long as I'm happy. Sure I want to make myself and yes I believe I'm meant for big things but if I could trade that all and just be happy fine you can have it. I don't care. I want to be happy. Seems like a fair trade giving up everything all my potential just to live a happy life.
I'm currently happy. I just wish she were... she's going to be alright. I'm going to be alright. You're going to be alright... incase you forgot...xx
oh and halloween party the 30th. Why the 30th well I plan on going downtown the 31st so I didn't want to fuck up those plans. HALLOWEEN is my favorite holiday I love it. I can't wait. You're all invited it's going to be awesome the list of people r.s.v.p-ing is growing as big as my smile right now. I love it... be good... be safe
Oh and for future reference TRAVIS rocks my socks and has to be one of the hottest guys I've ever seen in this town. STUNNING. oh and I heart Cordell Walker... night
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