Life Update

This holding it together thing feels like trying to hold water in a balloon with holes punched in it. I think it's easier when he's not around. I'm honestly in a daze. I'm not depressed. I'm emotional. I do miss him alot but I'm not sad. No, I am sad it's just a different sort of sad. A hopeful sad. If that makes any sense at all. Maybe I'm still deluding myself I don't know, sometimes I feel like a fool. I feel used. I know that was not his intention though I don't know what his intention was I just feel odd. I've never been in this situation. I feel like a kid dropped off at school for the first time kind of abandoned, frightened and just... Confused. We could start with eye contact and move on from there. I think that would be a good start. I still don't regret anything. I still don't plan on it. I don't believe in regret once again. Everything that happens has reason though you may not ever find out why. There is a reason for us.
Moving on...
Got a new addition. She's a cutey. Still thinking of a name. She's an ankle biter but I have hope that one day she'll move on to atleast calves.
Lamarjorie is still living with me. I love it. It's nice to have someone to sleep with. It's comforting in a heterosexual life partner kinda way.
Brantley leaves the 14th only time will tell how this story goes.
what to say what to say.
hung out at the spot last night for the first time in awhile. I was alittle uncomfortable at first.
Michael came to Milledgeville. He's the same but different. I love that man. He's pretty effen kick ass in my eyes.
Oh also I have a "stalker" yeah funny story I'll tell later.
Blitz was fun other than the harassment but honestly I've gotten used to it so I say continue running your fucking mouth you filthy whore you'll get yours in the end I guarantee it. You should seriously consider sweeping around your own doorstep because the shadiness and shit you're doing is on your heals and it's only a matter of time before you get caught in the act. If you hurt him you will fucking regret it until the day you die bitch. Believe me.
Woh went moderately crazy. I'm protective of people I love what can I say.
Not much else really. Going to bed. I love being a creature of the night seriously 10am as a bed time is my idea of a good time... one more day of work and then freedom. Lord get me through this.
Not work I can handle that on my own.
I need a miracle I need it fast I know you're listening. I feel you. Here's the thing I know something is going on I feel that too. Just let me know. I know everything happens for a reason. I know something is about to happen. . . It's a feeling I can't explain like waiting for that first leaf of fall to drop you know it's coming you know more will follow but all you can do is wait. I'm waiting... I'm watching... I'm listening open heartedly. I know things will end up like they're supposed to... I know there's a plan for me. I'm ready... For the first time... I'm ready...