Unspoken

This empty bed reminds me that I'm alone...

There are so many things I'm never going to get to say to you I know it. I feel it. When I said I was going to miss you one day I didn't know it would be so soon. I want you to be happy and I said even if it was with her so why am I miserable now? Is it because of your current state of "happiness" or the fact that I know it won't last? Will you come running back to me like before? I honestly don't know if I can handle this roller coaster much longer. Eh life has been so foreign to me lately, so new, so different and for awhile it was exciting. Exciting to finally have a real secret at 20 years old. My first real secret but now I don't know. It's become more of a nuisance. I'm bored with my life as a general again. I guess because it feels like the "affair" maybe ending or maybe it's beginning I'm not sure what I mean. I'm not sure what you mean. All I know is that it's hard to sleep alone unless I'm exhausted and I miss you terribly. God, I'm an idiot. Too intelligent for my own good and too idiotic to realize I can do better? I don't think I can though I honestly think he's one of the best men I will ever have the pleasure of knowing and I only hope it's not over before it has truly began. I've come to grips with the affair. I've rationalized in my head why it's okay to be having an affair. I've just gotten comfortable with it and the shit hits the fan. Fun Fun to be young and single. It's lovely being in the center of this drama... Really... I love being accused of things I haven't quite done yet. I like being in this controversy it makes me feel important when I'm called out by name. So continue talking I'm glad to bring some entertainment to your mediocre, mundane, routine little lives... Really. Oh and hey while we're on the subject of your "lives" (I use the term lightly) when you were young is this the future you envisioned? Guess we can't all be blessed with an important calling but hey someone has to do your jobs I suppose we can very well check ourselves out now can we. Oh wait... We can. Guess you really are useless as you seem.
I'm sorry I'm being cruel. I forget sometimes that not everyone is smart. I just expect people to be on my level. Sounds cocky but I just think higher of people than they actually have potential and often I'm disappointed with the human race as a general. Maybe it's just the back-ass-ward people in this town. I'm sure there's people worth holding a conversation with somewhere.
I'm jumping from subject to subject... Point is a lot of drama went down recently I was "involved" specifically by name and though the storm has calmed I think it's far from over. I can't wait to see how this plays out...
I'm in a non-caring arrogant I'm better than you mood I apologize... But not really... xx