Burning just like there's always been

I've never been so alone and I've never been so alive...

I'm not going to think of you today. I'm not going to wonder if you're okay. I'm not going to wish I talked to you. I'm not going to measure my worth through you. I'm not going to let you get to me. I'm not going to care if you don't text me back. I'm not going to feel invisible when you don't. I'm not going to wonder if you're mad at me. I'm not going to think of you. I'm not going to cry. I'm not going to scream. I'm not going to laugh. I'm not going to think of the last time I saw you. I'm not going to think of the first time I saw you. I'm not going to think of the peace that fills my mind when I hear you play guitar. I'm not going to think of you. I'm not going to see the lights in your room when I close my eyes. I'm not going to think of the endless array of expressions on your face. I'm not going to think of your eyes. I'm not going to think of watching adult swim. I'm not going to think of water fights. I'm not going to think of pellet guns. I'm not going to think of the look on her face. I'm not going to think of your music. I'm not going to think of your smile. I'm not going to think about you hitting me (lol) I'm thinking...

I'm thinking of you even though I said I wouldn't, but I had to think of things to not think about, and it ends up I have to think of you, to think about the things I don't want to think about you. Forgive my recent assumptions.
You're in my thoughts... Be safe...xx