you lay me down, but I get no release...
Well, I've never been so happy in my entire life... I finally got fired/quit the job I've hated a year and a half and after a year and a half I'm back in school... every thing's going great... I guess... If I've never been more happy then why am I so miserable? I should be ecstatic... but I'm not... I'm happy on the outside, I'm smiling, but something is missing. Something feels off. odd... I don't know if it's because I'm flat broke or what. Honestly I would rather be broke then work another day at a job I hate... So what the fuck is wrong with me?
My first week of school went smooth. I think this is going to be an easy quarter. I'm only taking three classes I wanted to take it easy my first quarter back plus I would have been working. If I had known I was going to be jobless I would have taken on more classes. Then again it's not like I can afford the classes I have. So far I have no financial aid. which is a joke in itself. I can't get HOPE until I have one more quarter. Why? because I was home schooled my last two years well almost three of high school and had to get my GED therefor I have to prove myself before I can be eligible, as if three quarters of being an A/B student weren't enough. It doesn't matter one more quarter to go and a lot of my stress will be relieved I just have to make it until then.
What do I want to be "when I grow up?" no clue... I know I want to write, I know I love art, I know I want to help kids who are going through what I went through growing up. I'm thinking about being a high school guidance counselor. Just brainstorming really... There's so many things out there I want to do... Sometimes being smart and having talents feels like a curse... Eh I'm too critical of the the generic goal orientated criminal justice, pre-nursing major kids, at least they know what they want or what they're capable (or not capable) of accomplishing. more than I can say for myself...
I have a lot of free time... haven't had that in a while... honestly... it scares me...xx
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